...Cuz don't you just love the voices in your head.....

confusion.....part deaux

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 06:38:20 GMT

There comes a time where a person must choose between the present and the future. and it's difficult to weigh out the pros and cons of leaving everything i have ever known, for something that i think might work...I'm not sure. I just wish that i would find something that will help me in my choice. But, in the end, the only way I'm going to find out is if i take the chance......right?

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 16:43:03 GMT

wow, its been a really long time since ive updated and a lot of shit has happened since november. I went snowboarding the week of christmas, lance broke his arm while we were there. Then on december 30th, i got arrested. that was gay. and then yesterday, i was in a car accident and totaled my truck. what next?......

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 06:19:56 GMT

I'm so angry right now, angry at the world, my parents, myself. I got dropped from 2 out of 4 of my classes, it's my own fault. I should have seen it coming. I'm just so pissed at the fact that my mom doesnt understand my point of view. I mean I know I fucked it all up, I'm the one who didn't go to class, not her. But the fact that she will sit there and say well I told you so. I told her I lost my interest because those classes weren't helping me because I had planned on going to the Art Institute and now that I'm not, I don't need those classes. But then she said, "Well I knew you weren't going to the Art Institute." So I said, "Glad you were behind me. Goodnight, I'll talk to you tomorrow." As I walk out the door, I hear, "No you won't." So I walk back in and say, "You're fucking right I won't now." Anyway....it went on and on and continued through the house. I don't know what I'm going to do now, other than sign up for next semester and go from there I guess. I truly feel like a loser now, I failed two out of four classes.......shit.

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 08:09:34 GMT

A Prelude To An Emo Mind......There is a girl who I adore, I like her so much. She has an amazing personality and I could talk to her for hours. As much as I wanted to tell her how I feel the last time I saw her, yet I never got my nerve. There are only a few girls out there that I can talk to about anything, now there is one less in my life. I will miss this one, and kick myself for everytime I should have spoken up and not worried about other people. and for that.....I'm sorry.

A means to an end

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 05:15:15 GMT

...el corazon was poisoned tonight...

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 07:16:29 GMT

I now am the proud owner of a myspace, which can be seen here. So add me, my user name is "Its K-Dizzle mother fuckers!"

Martini Kisses and Poisoned Wine

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 15:57:00 GMT

i stand outside my pretty house
i light a match to start the fire
i called the cops to let em know
its 22 walthery ave

I may just be really happy today or something because I feel pretty good. This weekend was a blast, i had so much fun. Saw a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time at the dance when I "came home." Went and got drunk with bryan and lance and some other people. Things are looking up for the most part......that's all I have for now, but I know you will be waiting for the next one......im out

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 04:14:25 GMT

It's been a while since i have updated, almost a month. a lot has happened, i lost my left testicle in a freak pogo stick accident.......well not really, but you can imagine what it would be like if i did right... it would be nice to have someone to share the upcoming holidays with....but alas, i ask for too much i think.....maybe

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 14:14:26 GMT

i feel strange, although I'm happy, i just feel so alone on the inside. i feel like there isnt anyone out there for me, and if i have already met them, then i blew my chance. i really have no clue what i am thinking about right now. i feel like i have matured since high school (which was a long 5 months ago...) yet i still feel like the me from high school. but then again, i never really knew what people thought of me in high school. im so hungry....o shit mcdonalds is serving breakfast... im going.

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 23:54:52 GMT

For one of the first times in a long while, i feel good. im happy with a lot of the things in my life, minus girls, but that may change. Plus ive lost 25 pounds in the last 3 months.....wow, i sound like a girl.

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 07:11:42 GMT

i had fun tonight.....did you?

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 19:19:14 GMT

everythings really bland right now.

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 03:50:30 GMT

im so fed up with this bullshit

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 04:21:34 GMT

itsd my birthday in 2 hours and 45 min, and then i hit the big 1-8, feel free to shower me with sex and gifts, preferrably sex for all you cute girls out there

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 05:51:28 GMT

i dont know what to say right now. im so pissed off but i cant express it. all i can say is fuck you, fuck you, your cool, and finally fuck you....

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 06:51:03 GMT

i want to be in a band......really bad

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 00:31:02 GMT

im not sure what im going to say in this installment of my emo journal. im just so confused about what im going to do, i have no car, yet i need to get to school across town and to work as well. yet i have some money but, according to my parents, it wont work out. o well, ill figure it out......maybe

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 06:13:42 GMT

dear you,

i like you and i think you are an amazing person. i just wish i could say this in person..

dont you wanna know who im talking about.....

Thu, 05 Aug 2004 22:30:06 GMT

this summer has been many things, I spent a lot of time with my friends, and also learned that I am stuck between my self-worth and being with my friends. it seems that I am frequently put into a position where, they have fun at my expense and i am forced to just let it go, but i am sick of being cut down, yet the moment i try to put it back on them, i become the asshole. I think that everyone is so used to having me be the one that people can walk on. when i try to fight back, i get made out to be a dick. its like it doesn't even matter if i am there or not. i just want to belong, or at least be treated like i do.

on a side note, the other day i did an impression of lance, i wasnt being offensive or anything, at least i wasnt trying to, and then rachelle starts this other one about how the only thing i ever do is bitch about how no one likes me, i think that was a horrible put down and i have one in my head, but for the sake of not becoming the asshole i supposedly am, i will keep it to myself.

get over yourself.....im out

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 06:41:13 GMT

Even if i knew what to say right now, i wouldn't know where to start. As much as i hate how things are going, i admit, sometimes i do have fun, so i cant say tha i am always unhappy. but i can tell you that i am sorry for grouping you all into a category that i shouldnt have.thats all i want to write for now, because i dont want to offend anyone or have anyone feel guilty for treating me like they do, because hey, its all in fun right, try having fun with you other friends too. see how they like having fun at their own expense, i mean with the way it is, all we do is have fun.

the end of it all

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 19:57:58 GMT

My life sucks so bad right now (I didn't want to start it that way but i couldn't think of anything else) I'm sick of feeling so inadequate around everyone. They make me feel like shit and the don't treat me like everyone else. I'm sick of being the odd man out. I'm sick of not being noticed by the people who I want to notice me. I hate having the same repetitive days and not doing anything productive, yet whenever someone suggests something, no one wants to do it. I just wish that I would meet someone who I could hang out with and we wouldn't have to smoke to have fun, and we would actually go do stuff. I think I met that girl already but I think the chance is gone. It's cool though I guess, the time to give up is soon. I'm sick of taking shit from people and they think it's ok to do it. It's absolutely bullshit. Fuck all of you who take advantage of me and talk down to me and make me feel like shit, I hope you die.

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 06:43:16 GMT

Girls don't like me.....can you say EMO? but it's ok, because I'm too good for you anyway.

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 20:21:18 GMT

I wanted to write this last night but it froze and I was too tired to do so...it really is probably going to be a lot of shit and some may not want to read it....then don't, but here it goes anyway.....Fuck friends, well at least the "friends" I have, they blame me for mostly everything and think its hilarious, treat me like shit, constantly make fun of me even though I ask them to stop and they know it makes me feel like shit....I fucking hate you all, and all you can say is "i'm sorry" and then start right back up the next day. I'm fucking sick of being the butt of all of the jokes, I'm sick of not being treated like an equal, and if you even begin to say that you are my friends you better stop there because I know you are lying....it just kills me, knowing that everyday is going to be the same and yet I still go back....The only reason I keep going back is because I think that maybe today will be different, Maybe they will realize what assholes they are being...then again, probably not. My only question is WHY? yet I never get an answer, personally I think it's because they know I would never even think of doing shit to them, I wouldn't steal their stuff, or piss on their house, or leave beer in their car and then tell them it's their fault...and another thing, I'm so sick of giving people cigarettes, money or anything else like that and having them say " I'll give you cigarettes later, or I'll pay you back" only to have them say no and fucking laugh about it or to take the money that they were supposed to pay me back with and buy other shit......fuck you guys.

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 20:32:35 GMT

I feel myself losing touch with a lot of people who I haven't seen in a while. I just don't see that many people anymore....I miss a lot of people from school...if you want to hang out let me know bcause I am bored.

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 07:33:29 GMT

so much on my mind right now...work is going to get better soon, i want to be a supervisor, it's in my mind permanently. Girls....no luck yet. family, downhill.....yet everything is somewhat ok right now, other than i blew my moms car up while my parents were out of town....i didnt blow it up per say, but the battery exploded. so now guess who is riding a bike to work from now on....me, thats if i dont get the jeep i want in a couple of months, but there are two pluses to riding my bike, no money spent on gas, and exercise.....who knows....maybe i will quit smoking....then again...probably not, you will see me riding to work with a cigarette in my hand the whole way.....im out